Through a valley...coming out stronger

Most of you who are reading this already know the news but maybe wondering what happened recently with our life.  I am going through a "missed miscarriage". So, here is the long, drawn out version to the story for anyone interested in reading.  My prayer is that God uses this situation to bring Himself glory and maybe someone can be encouraged who might be going through a similar situation.  I found out I was pregnant with our second child on Aug 3rd.  The reality really hit hard that there was no going back on the decision now even though we were "trying"!  Anyway, we were so excited to announce to all of our friends and family that we were expecting #2. 

After seeing a + test, I called my OB, who delivered Ian, and asked if I should go to my family care doc or go to her for my thyroid check.   She told me to come see her and they would take care of me.  I got my blood work done and expected to hear back from them the next day (this is generally how long it takes with my family care doc).  After several work days plus a weekend I was really ready to get my results.  I called and left a message and no one returned my call.  I called back the third day and left another message, no response.  After finally hearing that my blood results indicated that I need to be adjusted the doc asked who my family care doc was so they could send my results to them and THEY could adjust the meds.  UGH!  (We are going on a week of no meds adjusted)  I called my family care doc and they told me to see an Endocrinologist.  I kept feeling like no one would help me and I was being passed around from doc to doc.  This is a big issue towards the pregnancy but really shouldn't be a big issue with a doc.  LOTS of people have thyroid issues and this should not be a big deal for them to adjust me, so why are they making it one?   I finally got fed up and went with a NEW OB who was highly recommended.  Finally, she was able to help and adjust my meds over a week after my + test.  During all of this, I noticed some spotting-VERY small amount and only 1 time during the day.  (I didn't have anything like this with Ian)  I didn't like it but figured it would go away when the stress of all this stupid doc stuff would pass. (Wishful thinking, right?)  Well, I went on about every other day with this and then it started to do it every day (Still-VERY small amount).  I called the doctor since it started to pick up and he assured me that it is "common" but not really "normal" to have spotting.  A lot of people have it but it's not really considered normal.  He then told me I could come in for some blood work to get my hcg levels looked at.  I did that and my levels did not double like they like to see....they increased significantly but not double.  I was told they would like for me to have an ultrasound.  I had an ultrasound last Monday and measured at 5 weeks and 4 days.  This was about a week earlier than what I thought.   Unfortunately there was no heartbeat either.  The doc told me that they like to see a heartbeat by 6 weeks but a alot can change in just a few days so she stayed optimistic that I was just off in my timing of when I got pregnant.  Deep down inside I really felt like I wasn't off but maybe....  She then had me come in the following week for another ultrasound to make sure there was a heartbeat.  If there was none, then the pregnancy isn't normal.  If there was, great!! 

I prayed and prayed for a miracle.  I would hear stories of people who had truly MIRACLE children and believed that God could do that for me too!  I wasn't going to let Satan get into my head and tell me there was no hope and this pregnancy wasn't going to work out.  I am such a realist-maybe even pessimistic at times.  In my mind, I think of "worst case scenerio" that way I am prepared for things and won't get hurt as bad.  I fought this BIG time with my appt fast approching.  I hate this about myself because I don't want to be a pessimistic person...I want to be a shinning light for Christ and for people to see me and say WOW-she's an optimistic person.  I have Christ in my heart after all!!  I WANTED a miracle!

My appt was yesterday and I went into the ultrasound waiting to see the screen and see a little glow of a heart beating away but sadly, there was nothing.  Only the same image that I saw the week before.  I looked over at my husband and shook my head.  We were escorted to the doctor's office and she came in and said she wished she had better news.  I was treated so kindly.  I have what is called a Missed Miscarriage...it's basically where my body still thinks I am pregnant because the placenta tissue is growing but no baby is growing normally.  So, now it's a waiting game on when the actual miscarriage will happen.  I was told that it could take a month or two.  Ugh.  I was also told that my thyroid increases chances of miscarriage so this COULD be the reason but we will never know for sure.   (I have an appt with an endocrinologist specialist this month) 

Through this all, I totally feel the power of prayer and know how many people are praying.  I know God is going to use this situation for His good.  Maybe, just maybe, I could be an encouragement to someone going through a similar situation.  I am just seeking His face that this will not be a couple month ordeal and my pregnancy symptoms (which are still here) will stop reminding me of the lifelessness going on inside. 

Please know that your prayers and support through all of this have meant SO much!  I truly am thankful for friends and family that can sympathize and lift us when we are feeling down.  Thank you for being you! 

The Chipmunk

Last week we were out at my aunt and uncle's new home that they are flippinig.  (renovating)  The whole family was out on the driveway when Ian came through the bushes holding what looked like a toy to me.  It honestly didn't hit me until I heard either my aunt or mom screaming from him to drop it.  I then realized he was holding a DEAD chipmunk!  I started to freak!  All of the girls in my family were screaming "DROP IT!"  I had the big heeby jeebies, I could NOT do anything but scream and jump up and down.  I'm sure the neighbors were getting annoyed.  Jonathan had to be one to grab his hands and hold them until we could go into the house and wash them throughly. 

The next morning, I was trying to explain to Ian that we do not pick up dead animals on the ground.  It is very nasty and we don't do that...he then looked at me and said the chipmunk needed batteries.  I laughed, pretty hard!

Oh the life of a two year old!  It's a lot of fun and also very challenging.  I find myself hearing a lot of the things I say to him coming back out of his mouth but with a lot attitude.  I really don't know how to handle it....I try to tell him "that's not nice, Ian"  He then responds "YOU BE NICE, MOMMY!"  Ugh...attitude!  I keep hearing from people, you think twos are bad, threes are worse!  I really am hoping that since he is a fairly good talker that he is hitting that mega-attitude early, you think? 

I know I don't update on here very often but I do check it frequently...I love reading all of your updates!  

When you don't update often, you have lots to say...

Well...we've come to the end of 2008 and have begun another year.  Ian is going to be 2 in just a few short weeks and we are planning a big party for him at a local indoor activity center.  We are going to stick with the Curious George theme, he was CG for Halloween and now for his b-day.  It should be loads of fun since his cousins are going to be around.  My brother and his family arrived home safely for a short visit.  We are so excited to have them and get to spend some time with them.  While they have been home we had some family pictures together and I think they turned out great!  Here are a few of the bunch...

These are all of the "adult" cousins...

My bro's and my kids

My Family....

The entire side (minus a 9 month pregnant cousin who couldn't be there...Jenna, we missed you!)

My bro (and family), my parents, and us

We are heading to Florida on Wednesday.  I am so excited and can't wait.  Ian is at a fun age and I think will enjoy 90% of what Disney has to offer.  I'll be sure to post pictures when we get back!  Christmas was SO fun this year.  Ian totally got the hang of opening gifts and kept asking to sit on Santa's lap because he got a sucker one time from him.  (He figured this guy was pretty cool if he gives me candy!) Ian loved opening the gifts and finding out what was behind all of the paper.  He still asks about Santa and wonders if he'll be making a stop again.  More importantly Ian knows who's birthday Christmas truly is, he'll say "Jesus's birthday, happy birthday Jesus!"  It really melts my heart when he attempts to sing to him. 

Ian and Salem really have become little buddies!  Ian is going to miss his cousin when they have to go back! :(

Well, that's it for now....more when we get back from Florida.  With 10 people there's bound to be some good stories! :)

www.theleslieproject.com  - This web site is about a local Christian woman that is 36 years old and has been battling breast cancer for the past 3 years.  She is a Fishers Police Officer and let me tell you, what a testimony!  Make sure you have Kleenex near by when you watch it!

Ian is battling a cold right now, we've broken out our humidifier for the winter and stocked up on Tylenol and that's about all we can do.  I will be so happy when he can take cold medicine.  It seems like everyone is getting sick right now.  Hopefully everyone will be getting it out of their system before Turkey Day gets here.  :)

We put our tree up and it makes me so excited for Christmas.  This year we have so many things to be excited about...first, my bro will be home with his family!  Secondly, I am really excited about certain gifts we will be giving.  I'll be telling you all about them after the Holiday's for fear someone will be reading this! Here are some pics of us putting our tree up.   It's funny because here I thought Ian was going to enjoy putting the tree up and being part of the decorating process  however, he could have cared less.  Actually, he wanted to get into the ornaments all by himself but I wouldn't let him for fear he'd either break one or get glitter in his eye. I would allow me to hand him certain non-breakable ornaments but of course that wasn't good enough.  After handing him a fun sparkly one Ian decided it would be a good idea to take a bite out of it.  He had sparkles all over his face for the rest of the night.  This put an end to Ian "helping" put Ornaments onto the tree. :)

We got personalized stockings this year, so fun! 

Trick or Treat....

Ian loves tv shows, ever since we went to the Middle East and somewhat forced it as a means of entertainment on the plane.  He loves pretty much any kind of tv but mostly Dora, Wonder Pets, Super Why, and Curious George.  This year for Halloween we decided to do Curious George and to really make him look like George there had to be a man with the yellow hat.  That's where Jonathan got nominated to help.  So, we worked hard to put a costume together for him.  We were bummed when we dyed the shirt and pants in the same load but the shirt was a different blend therefore making the shirt lighter than the pants.  Oh well, everyone got the gist of the costume! :) We had a great time and it didn't take long for Ian to figure out what was happening.  He kept wanting to eat his candy the whole next day until I was forced to hide it!